How to Stop Putting So Much Pressure on Yourself

Learn how to deal with the daily pressures of being a busy mom and how to stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to be perfect. Fifteen years ago, I would’ve enthusiastically raised two hands. Today, I’ve learned how to let go of a lot of the need to be perfect. Yes, I still want to do a good job and be the best I can be in every situation, but that doesn’t equal perfect.

Sometimes the drive to be perfect sneaks up on me, a lingering shadow in the background, just checking in to see if I’ll notice it.

As someone who received straight-A’s throughout most of high school and all of college, and achieved perfect attendance from kindergarten through senior year of college (I really did!), I have something to say about putting too much pressure on myself.

Here it is:

I needed to hear that back then. And I need to hear that now.

Sure, expectations are everywhere. Family members might expect you to raise your kids a certain way; friends might expect you to respond a certain way. But it’s how we internalize these expectations of others that really allows the pressure to build within. It’s often our perception of what others think of us—and ultimately how it reflects how we think of ourselves—that makes our shoulders tense and our jaws tighten.

Practice It: How to Stop Putting So Much Pressure on Yourself

Here are five things that have helped me deal with the daily pressures of being a busy mom carrying the mental workload.

1. Please don’t compare yourself to other people in your life or online, especially on social media. We are all on very different paths, and all of those paths actually lead to the same thing we are all seeking: love.

2. Speaking of love, find time every day to do what you really love, and literally feel the pressure melt from your heart, your shoulders or wherever you hold tension. Dedicating time—even if it’s five minutes a day to do something you truly love to your core—will help you let go of a little bit of pressure of demanding (or commanding for some of us) too much from yourself.

3. Shift your inner voice to a voice that radiates kindness. Speak to yourself as if you were teaching a young child how to write his or her name for the first time. Actually visualize yourself respond. What tone of voice would you use? Gentle. Encouraging. Calm. Kind.

4. Spread out your to-do list, my friends. A little bit of to-dos here and a little bit there. It doesn’t all have to get done today. Seriously. It doesn’t.

5. Get more sleep by going to bed early and at the same time every day. If you just rolled your eyes, this one is challenging for me, too, but it’s related to the spreading out your to-do list tip. (See above.) Going to bed early and at the same time every day is definitely a practice, and I’ve had to come back to it over and over again. Why? Because I’m busy, too, and the days go by quickly, but I feel way better when I get quality sleep. Sleep is the No. 1 self-care practice I recommend because it is vital to well-being. Learn three ways to get better sleep tonight. Give an early bedtime a chance and see how you feel.

Do you feel better already after reading this list? Less pressured? What other things have helped you deal with too much pressure form other people and your own expectations?